Bottled Up
by Shinneth
Summary: Steven realizes Peridot has been feeling left out ever since she returned to the bathroom after Lapis fled Earth with their home. Now that he has some downtime after coming to terms with his mother's true identity and the engagement of Ruby and Sapphire, it's high time to let Peridot know she belongs with the Crystal Gems and has a role in his family.


**Notes:**

**Welcome to my first time participating in a fandom event and filling in prompts! This is my first entry into 2019's Stevidot Month which covers both the Cuddle and Confession prompts for Week 1. I currently have two other finished pieces meant for Stevidot Month that I'll post at the appropriate times, and I'm hoping to finish even more before the month of May is up. **

**This takes place just before the return of Bismuth in the most recent season. Consequently, it's my tamest Stevidot and one could argue it might be purely platonic here. I mean, Peridot's still a mega tsundere in this no matter how you slice it. It's also 50/50 on whether or not you could count this in the Gem Ascension continuity. You easily could not do so, but I did end up referencing this story in the last prompt I finished which is very much a post-GA story, so there you go. I feel like the majority of my prompts are gonna be based on the Gem Ascension continuity, as I found it WAY harder to write this opposed to the other two stories I completed that are heavily GA-based.**

**I'm pretty sure I won't be doing the Love at First Sight prompt, so I'll see you all in a week after this! Week 2 is where I'm sure I'll be busiest...**

* * *

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Naturally, Peridot should be thrilled to hear about Lapis' strong feelings of regret for leaving the way she did. That she was much closer than anyone expected her to be all along. And especially, Lapis' confirmation that she _does_ in fact care what Peridot thinks of her; the smaller gem got the impression that had never been the case.

Of course, Steven had to open his mouth about his vision of the Diamonds… and that seemed to put Lapis back to square one. He wanted to believe she would once again ultimately return; unable to handle the loneliness once she left the galaxy, but now… Steven didn't know what to think. Even for him, Lapis could be hard to read in situations like this. And he wasn't about to get Peridot's hopes up for something he couldn't promise for certain, such as Lapis' return and making amends for her actions.

It had been a few days since Steven last saw Lapis Lazuli; he honestly intended to talk to Peridot about this, but got abruptly sidetracked by the revelation of his own mother's identity… which in turn, led to Steven having a bit of an identity crisis.

On top of that, Garnet was so upset over this that her fusion destabilized, resulting in her two halves being rendered monumentally upset and causing Ruby to run away to parts unknown. Nearly everyone in Steven's family, save for Amethyst, broke down in sorrow… and team morale in the Crystal Gems had never been lower.

Thankfully, that was well on its way to being mended; Ruby and Sapphire had just reconciled and now a wedding was on the horizon. Steven had been so busy with damage control over the drama and helping the engaged couple with their wedding plans, he was ashamed to realize he had almost entirely neglected Peridot.

For everything that had happened, she was completely left out of it… and Steven knew he needed to rectify that the second it came to mind. Now that Peridot was fully part of his family, the adolescent was determined to truly make her feel like she belonged here. Keeping her out of the loop on the current events was quite counter-productive to that goal. After being abandoned the way she had, Peridot needed the assurance that she was in fact welcome to call the beach house her home… whether she'd admit to that or not.

Steven was quick to excuse himself from the group to find Peridot and hopefully get her involved in this activity that would surely be a new, enlightening experience for her. She loved to learn about this planet, and it was high time Steven got back into the habit of introducing her to Earth customs. It honestly hurt Steven's heart seeing Peridot just hole herself up in the bathroom for the majority of the time since she came back.

However, he was a bit surprised to see that for once, Peridot was not in the bathroom. Pumpkin was; curled up on the mattress and sleeping peacefully. That seemed to suggest Peridot had been sleeping, but went out of her way to quietly go elsewhere.

The sun had gone down just a while ago; surely, she wasn't out trying to work on her gardening…

It didn't take long for Steven to see that she was no longer in the house, though. Peridot was definitely outside; what she could be doing was anyone's guess, but Steven wasn't about to take any chances. For the pangs of guilt he now felt for neglecting the newest member of his family, Steven actually considered the possibility that Peridot could have simply run away.

Steven stepped outside and scanned the balcony; no diminutive technician to be seen. Looking out ahead, Steven couldn't see anything that even remotely resembled Peridot on the beach, either. He was beginning to worry. While he doubted it would do any good, Steven was compelled to at least call out for her to see if she would respond.

"_**PERIDOOOOOT! **_Are you–"

"_**NGYAAAAAHH!"**_

Well, that didn't take long. That sounded close and came from above; it was unmistakably Peridot's cry. The gem herself was spotted on the roof, clinging to it for dear life as she found herself slipping.

"Oh, great!" Steven exclaimed; beyond relieved. "You didn't run away! And you're okay!"

"No thanks to _you_," Peridot hissed out. "Your overly loud vocal intrusion startled me; now I'm completely off-balance!"

Steven nervously chuckled at the sight; this seemed very typical of Peridot. "Sorry about that. You want me to catch you? I promise I'm not gonna drop you."

A few beats of silence followed this, as Peridot struggled now not only to regain her balance on the roof, but her composure as well. Her cheeks heated up despite herself; thankfully, the very dim colors of the dusk period this evening was very effective in hiding that. Her elevated position also helped in that regard.

"M-maybe I'd rather stay up here!" Peridot defiantly shouted back as she finally reoriented her body to securely remain on top of the beach house. "_Honestly_… do you think I'm sitting on the roof of your residence for no reason?"

Steven smiled and shrugged. "Weirder stuff has happened… want some company?"

Peridot scoffed at the offer at first before letting out a quiet grumble.

"I don't _need_ it," she insisted. "But you obviously came out here with the intent of finding me for whatever reason, so… given that this is your territory, I've no right to deny you a place to sit up here."

Steven looked crestfallen upon hearing that; it only confirmed his suspicion that Peridot still didn't feel like she belonged with the Crystal Gems.

Since she did ultimately give him permission, Steven made it up to the roof in his own way; Steven couldn't give her the reassurance she needed from a great distance.

"Peridot, this is your home now as much as it is anyone else's," Steven declared as he took a seat next to his fellow diminutive companion. "You can stay here as long as you want; you've more than earned your place at the table, y'know? I don't want you thinking you're not one of us, Peridot. You've been a Crystal Gem for a while now, really…"

Peridot stiffened as Steven sat beside her. The slanted style of the roof made it rather hard for two people to share a spot without being glued to each other.

"A real Crystal Gem would've kept this from ever happening," she muttered as she looked up at the sky towards a full moon. Apparently, that was what she had been gazing at all this time. "A real Crystal Gem wouldn't be a total load when we're forced to fight for Earth… and a real Crystal Gem would know and care what in the world is going on with the rest of the group."

Steven was about to dispute all of these points, but he was surprised to hear that last part. "Y-you've been listening to what's going on…?"

"Bits and pieces," Peridot casually confirmed. "Apparently, the true identity of Rose Quartz was something none of you were ready for… and it sounds like the drama with Garnet's two halves is resolved now. That's all I've gathered."

That was a lot more than Steven expected her to be aware of… and yet Peridot chose to keep herself out of it all.

"You're… you're not mad about it, are you?" Steven asked nervously. "About the thing with Mom, I mean. Everyone else has a reason to be torn up over this."

"Why would I be?" Peridot inquired, raising her eyebrow at the boy. "I have no connection; no association with your maternal unit besides my affiliation with you… and even that's a stretch, at best. Everything your friends freaked out about happened thousands of years before I existed," she reminded him. "I knew nothing about her, the Crystal Gems, or anything that happened here on Earth until I met you."

She let out an indignant huff. "Honestly, the only thing that bothers me in that regard is how you're being set up to answer for everything _she_ did. How can anyone call you Rose Quartz or Pink Diamond with a straight face?" Peridot asked rhetorically, looking visibly bothered by that concept. "You were born a Steven, you are currently a Steven, and I project you will forever remain a Steven… nothing more, nothing less."

To Peridot's surprise, that response was rewarded with a sudden hug, which prompted her to squeak out.

"You have _no idea_ how refreshing it is to hear that," Steven said in earnest. "Thank you, Peridot. I think you just made my day…"

That was incredibly flattering to hear, but Peridot was desperate to suppress that glowing warmth welling up inside her. She always felt it every time Steven praised her (and _especially_ when he gave her affectionate gestures like this), and the technician found it harder and harder to suppress how much of an impression this left on her emotionally with every passing day.

"I-I'm merely stating the facts," she weakly argued. "But if my statement truly bettered your day, then… y-you're welcome, I guess. It's the least I could do…"

"Peridot, don't talk like you owe us anything!" Steven insisted; he could tell where this was going. "I know I've kinda… been bad at keeping in touch with you lately, okay? That's why I wanted to talk to you; we're gonna fix this right here, right now."

He thought back to something Peridot had said earlier and realized something was amiss about this scenario. "This is the first time you left the bathroom on your own in a while," he noted. "And that's great, but… can I ask what brought you out here?"

Peridot's gaze returned to the full moon above the pair, but her eyes narrowed at the sight.

"This is the best time of the month to observe your planet's lunar satellite," she said dully. "And the next time you deliberate over what course of action to take in regard to broaching difficult subject matter with a friend, perhaps consider lowering your vocal chords when you converse with yourself."

She didn't even need to break her line of sight to know how badly Steven was taken aback by shock with her words.

"W-wait, you're saying–?!"

"So, she was on your planet's moon this entire time," Peridot noted with a flat tone. Clearly, she was ready to cut to the chase. "I didn't catch every detail, Steven… only the parts that worried you to the point that you talked to yourself about them. I expect you'll fill in the gaps in due course."

Steven tried to think back when he debated with himself on how to break the news to Peridot; what he said and didn't say out loud.

"Geez… I'm really sorry, Peri," Steven apologized. "You probably know better than I do that it's not easy getting the story straight when it comes to Lapis. But I'll tell you everything she told me…"

Once Steven finished recounting the sad story of his reunion with Lapis, Peridot struggled to maintain her composure once more. She was saddened, as to be expected… but that wasn't what the young gem was trying to suppress the most at this moment. Steven could tell there was a part of her that was visibly _angry_.

"I really wanna say she'll be back for sure, and that you both can live with us and we'd all be one big happy family," Steven sincerely told her. "But you've been messed around with enough as it is, you know? I don't want to get your hopes up and let you down again; you're hurting enough already."

"Wow, _thanks_ for making it apparent that I look pathetic right now," Peridot muttered in a sarcastic tone. "I've been through worse; you've _seen_ me go through worse, Steven… I'm pretty sure I told you already that durability is the secondary selling point of my kind."

Steven shook his head. "Dot, this is different and you know it. She hurt my feelings too, you know?"

On reflex, Peridot slammed her right fist against the roof as hard as she could. Given her level of strength, it wouldn't have been loud enough to get anyone's attention from inside… but it did hurt her enough to force the gem to bite back a hiss of pain for her action.

"I-I'm just making it worse," Steven immediately noticed. "M-maybe I shouldn't have come up here…"

To that, Peridot let out an aggravated growl and glared at the boy. "You're not making _anything_ worse, you clod! Don't even think about relocating elsewhere!"

Steven didn't contest this, but he remained rightfully concerned. "I just made you mad, telling you this… I'm trying to make you feel better, Peridot! Maybe… maybe I'm not the right friend for you to talk to about this…"

In sheer desperation, Peridot grabbed Steven by the collar of his shirt. "Cease and desist your self-deprecation, Steven!" she demanded. "I'm well aware you've been subject to a higher-than-average level of adversity from your peers lately, but I couldn't care less what those peons think of you! If they think there's something wrong with you, then they're idiots! Case closed!"

"Aw, Peridot…" It did warm Steven's heart seeing that after this much time, despite everything that had happened, she of all gems remained an ardent supporter of his… even if she wasn't particularly good at making that apparent to him.

"I'm upset, but you're the _last_ one I would ever be upset with," Peridot insisted. "I _wanted_ to stand up for you sooner, but I'm aware my hostile presence would only escalate the problem… especially since I haven't gathered all the facts."

Steven could tell there was a tired look to her eyes; there was much more going through Peridot's head than merely the agony of abandonment.

"You get upset very easily when there's a conflict within your family," the technician noted. "I didn't want to contribute to that; I've failed you enough as–"

Peridot cut herself off abruptly and smacked a hand over her mouth in frustration. She knew she had said too much.

Of course, Steven wasn't going to overlook this. Peridot never was good about covering up her tracks whenever she said more than she meant to out loud.

"Peri, how can you say you've _failed_ me?" Steven inquired. "I would never think that of you… I _couldn't_, knowing what you've accomplished since you joined us."

Peridot winced at this; she obviously didn't agree with that assessment. "Even if I had no right to get involved in your team's current issues, I still owe you _something_ for failing the _one job_ you assigned me after we pacified the Cluster," she said adamantly. "It doesn't make any sense! I can successfully help you save Earth itself, but when it comes to rehabilitating troubled gems, I can't do for Lapis what you did for me! How can you _not_ see that as a failure, Steven?!"

"Y–You saw that as a job this whole time…?" Steven looked very disillusioned upon hearing this. "Just a job…?"

"_Not_ just a job!" Peridot clarified; she was openly terrified to hear Steven speak with such overwhelming disappointment in his tone. "I really did want to be the best friend and roommate I could be for Lapis, Steven! I know I owed her that after what happened before… I-I really thought I could make her happy, and help her learn to love this planet as much as I do now…"

"Peridot…" Steven was relieved the gem didn't think so little of Lapis like she implied with that previous statement, but now he was starting to understand why Peridot felt like a failure…

"I know she's been messed up and hasn't been able to call anyplace "home" for a long time," Peridot acknowledged. "But I didn't just want to help Lapis for her sake, Steven. I cared about her a _lot_, but I know you were counting on me to keep her on the right path, too. I wanted you to know you could count on me, Steven! That I won't ever let you down, because you've yet to fail me…"

She felt herself slump against Steven in defeat. "You can't tell me I was able to teach Lapis how to love Earth; she was _very_ quick to abandon it entirely once she heard about the Diamonds. She'd sooner leave us all to shatter than stand up for her friends and fight for them… honestly, Steven, that's objectively worse than her lack of consideration for my feelings about leaving! I don't know what I could have done to make Lapis understand…"

Peridot let out a soft whimper as Steven pulled her into a hug.

"Will you believe me if I say you didn't fail anything?" Steven asked, as Peridot looked up at him with mild skepticism. "Peri, I get where you're coming from, but I'd never expect that much out of you," he assured. "Maybe I should've said something… I know you get the wrong idea about what I'm saying sometimes, and that's on me."

"Steven, that's enough!" Peridot cried out. "Lapis wouldn't have even given me a chance if _you_ didn't talk her into it. I know how important it was for you to have her as a friend, too… I wanted her to be a Crystal Gem just as much as you do. But she clearly has no interest in properly affiliating herself with us, and…"

When Peridot began to shake, Steven grew concerned. She clenched her teeth to stop herself from saying another word; a very negative emotion started to dominate her mind.

"Peridot, it's not the end!" Steven reminded her. "She could still come back; she already almost did! I can tell Lapis really wants to… she misses us, and she misses you!"

"So… at a bare minimum, she has a shred of moral conscience," Peridot darkly acknowledged. "St-Steven… even if she was fully sorry, I don't know if I…."

Her voice died right there. Peridot didn't want to finish her sentence.

Steven could see the issue clear as day. "You're mad at her," he pointed out. "I mean… that's normal. But I think this is the first time I've really seen you get angry about this…"

"I've been holding back on the full extent of my feelings on this matter," Peridot admitted; her tone was still very much venomous. "They need to be suppressed; I'm not giving you another reason to be disappointed in me."

"You haven't disappointed me at all!" Steven insisted. "And it's not healthy to bottle up all that negativity, Peridot. You need to vent and get it out of your system… and I'm more than happy to be your venting outlet, okay? Don't be afraid."

Peridot scoffed. "_Afraid?_ What a presumptuous assessment…"

Steven wasn't wrong, though. The young gem was _terrified_ to let this out.

"Like I told you earlier, part of the reason Lapis hasn't come back yet is because she feels like she can't face you," the hybrid reminded Peridot. "All of us, really, but you especially. She knows you have every right to be mad, Dot. But if you can let out that anger before she comes back, then she'll have nothing to worry ab–"

"_She SHOULD be worried!"_

That was a startling outburst. Just when Steven thought he was on the verge of getting Peridot to make peace with this…

"Steven, I shouldn't have told you this much!" Peridot wailed. "You have no idea how much this _hurts_. I bent over backwards for Lapis to please her! I instantly forgave her every transgression, even though I'm _still_ upset deep down that she smashed the recorder you gave me! I-I put my own pride aside and _humbled myself_ in hopes of earning her acceptance! I tried so hard to introduce her to new things and help her learn about how wonderful Earth really is!"

It broke Steven's heart to hear this; as he thought back on it, he could remember several occasions where Peridot's behavior lined up with her testimony perfectly. And he could see that for all this time, Peridot really was following his example as best she could.

"You wanna know the truth, Steven?! I might as well be honest with you about it, even if it makes you abandon me too!"

Streams of tears flowed underneath her visor. Peridot could no longer maintain any kind of front to give Steven the impression that she was strong enough to endure this.

"Peridot, that's _not_ gonna happen," Steven adamantly cut in. He had a feeling this situation would give Peridot some long-term abandonment issues; as if she needed any more after Yellow Diamond abandoned her much earlier on. "You _always_ have a home here. I-I know I haven't made it obvious or anything, but I really am psyched to have you back living with us… even if it's inconvenient for my morning routine," he added with a chuckle. "I missed being able to see you every day. I could never throw you out."

As much as Peridot _wanted_ to bask in the glee of knowing for certain how much Steven missed her presence since she relocated to the barn, the indomitable anger dwelling within her very core couldn't be suppressed any longer.

"I want to hate her, Steven. I really, really want to **hate every bit of her**."

With that, Steven went quiet and his smile faded. He felt traces of the Peridot he first met in her words… the cold, calm way she spoke was unnerving, to say the least.

"Let's say for the sake of argument that Lapis _does_ eventually return in the near future," Peridot postulated; the chill of her old menacing tone still very much present. "Tell me this, Steven: based on her typical behavioral patterns and her default reaction to a potential obstacle in her life, what are the odds that Lapis will _truly_ stay, if something else compels her to abandon Earth and everyone on it once again?"

As much as Steven didn't like the way Peridot spoke or how she worded this hypothesis, he had to admit… she had a point. Since he last spoke to Lapis, it almost seemed like she was on the verge of growing past her tendency to run away from her problems… but one inadvertent test later proved Lapis was still very much stuck in her ways.

And Steven had to accept that was not likely to ever change; Garnet, Pearl, and even Amethyst had hardly changed at all since he'd known them. Greg could attest that their behavior in Steven's day was consistent with how they acted in his youth when he met Rose.

"Not as high as I'd like the odds to be," Steven sullenly admitted. "But neither of us know for sure how she'll act in the future. Lapis might just surprise us…"

"Or she could just as easily abandon me again and render me homeless once more," Peridot bitterly countered. "I tried to look up to her, Steven. I respected her struggle. She's suffered a lot more than I ever have… but with _this_, I… I just _can't_ anymore."

Peridot shook her head in vain, trying to stop her tears. "Instilling my faith in Lapis again is just another invitation to shatter my perception of her and question everything I thought I knew. Steven, if you weren't here, I wouldn't know up from down right now!"

It was relieving to hear Peridot sound more like her true self again. The little gem harbored a _mountain_ of harmful sentiments that she kept to herself all this time, just to spare Steven's feelings… and not risk losing Steven himself.

"I'm glad I can keep you steady," Steven admitted as he lightly brushed his fingers through his companion's locks of pale chartreuse. "Peridot, you're wonderful. You're great and lovable; don't let anyone make you think otherwise."

While Peridot was touched, she was also confused. "Steven, I… I just confessed my _hatred_. How are you not disgusted with me right now?!"

"You said you **wanted** to hate Lapis," Steven pointed out. "Even as angry as you are now, you're not letting yourself embrace the hate."

"Because you would never forgive me if I did."

Both parties became speechless for a few minutes. Peridot was about to recoil away from Steven's hold, but his grip was gentle and firm; she wasn't going anywhere.

"–I _mean_ it," Peridot insisted, unable to suppress the blush spreading across her face. "My instincts are constantly conflicting with my sentimentality, but I– I'm _not_ losing you too, Steven. If that requires me to suck it up and contain my hateful urges, then so be it. You're just–"

Steven had no idea what Peridot was about to inadvertently confess before she caught herself again. This time, he decided to let it slide; the topic of hatred was one Steven hadn't really gone into much depth with for Peridot's sake… this seemed like the time to finally rectify that.

"You're really holding all of that in for me?" Steven sadly asked her. He was touched that Peridot held him in such high regard, but… "Peri, why not for yourself? Or for Lapis?"

Peridot was so thankful Steven wasn't going to prod her on what she stopped herself from saying this time, but that didn't make it any easier to answer to him.

"Because it makes no sense for Lapis," Peridot quipped. "Or are you saying my resentment towards her is entirely unwarranted?"

The sharp look Peridot gave Steven made it evident she was looking for one answer only.

"I-I'm not saying that," Steven quickly assured her. "I guess I was thinking… more along the lines of not stooping to her level, or something like that. Taking the high road. It's never the easy path, but…"

"Steven, do you think I was merely overacting the degree of my misery when Lapis left?" Peridot asked him. "Do you believe I'm overly exaggerating the pain I'm experiencing _right now?_ Because what good is the moral high road when Lapis is stars-knows-where?! How does that change _anything_ for _anybody?!_"

To that, Steven flinched. Clearly, Peridot was not pleased with his input. To make matters worse, she actually had good reason to deflect these supposedly helpful statements.

"S-sorry, sorry… I think I'm having an off-night," Steven mumbled. "But that's fine; I'm not leaving this spot until we sort this out. I wanna see the happy, fun-loving and curious Dot who inspects every inch of the house and the beach like you used to. And if Lapis does come back, I don't wanna see you two totally fall out…"

Peridot grunted. "I pointlessly smashed my fist against your roof earlier, Steven. Remember that?"

Steven wasn't sure why the gem brought up such an odd minor detail now, but he nodded. "Yeah. What about it? You didn't damage it…"

"I can confirm I damaged my own hand far more so than your roof," Peridot grumbled as she glanced down at her bruised right hand. She decided not to call any more attention to it. "Do you remember what you said before I did that, Steven?"

Of course, it was such an odd, random moment and much had been discussed since then… Steven shrugged his shoulders in response.

"You said Lapis hurt _your_ feelings as well when you last spoke to her."

Now it became clear… sort of. More than anything, Steven was a little surprised.

"But… P-Peridot, that's _my_ problem, and–"

Peridot was not impressed. "Common sense dictates that I have every right to be invested in _your_ problems if you insist on being so heavily involved in mine," she dictated in an icy tone. "Besides that, it's a reflex I'm unable to control. Once I get confirmation that someone has damaged you – be it physically, emotionally, mentally, or all the above – I get this uncontrollable urge to thrust my fist into the perpetrator's face. Should said face be unavailable to pulverize, the nearest inanimate object or surface will suffice. This time, I had to make do with your roof."

The stunned look on Steven's face made Peridot sigh in exasperation. She had already said far more than she ever planned to say out loud to Steven. What was the harm in digging herself deeper at this point?

"I know you're sitting right next to me, but I refuse to punch you," she clarified. "I'd sooner shatter than hurt you of my own volition, Steven. I know that sounds like an exaggeration, but I mean every word of it."

The pair had been locked in an embrace since Peridot confessed to being a "failure" to Steven in more ways than one. Despite the tense moments and misunderstandings, neither of them were that inclined to come apart. Peridot almost did once, but Steven was quick to catch her. There was something calming to Steven's embrace that, for the most part, enticed Peridot to stay put. Not that she would dare admit such a sentiment…

Another tense, quiet moment followed Peridot's most recent declaration.

Once Steven had ample time to carefully consider each statement Peridot had offered him so far, he gave the gem a light squeeze in the midst of their embrace.

"I'd rather you not hurt anybody on my account," he gently advised while the side of his face snuggled against Peridot's hair. "And I'm trusting you have enough self-restraint to consider that the next time you think about it; you've really grown way more than you give yourself credit for since you came to Earth, Peridot. Just remember that I believe in you."

Peridot's lips quivered as she readily accepted Steven's affectionate gestures. She would never admit it, but they had become quite addictive over time…

"O-of course," she affirmed, though the shakiness in her tone made Steven well aware of her uncertainty. "Just like how I won't let myself hate Lapis… I-I'll suppress my urge to _decimate_ anyone who harms even a single follicle on your squishy, vulnerable head. I-If I can resist my urges to knock sense into your other friends who've given you grief recently, then surely…"

"Peri, is that why you've been distancing yourself from us since you came back?" Steven asked; rather disturbed to stumble across this detail.

If she wasn't locked in this embrace, Peridot would have smacked herself upside the head in frustration by now. Despite her efforts, she just couldn't get herself to shut up when she needed to.

"It's a reason, but not _the_ reason," she muttered. "I already explained to you why I've opted to mope in your bathroom over actively getting involved with the other Crystal Gems…"

Hearing her mention how much time she spent holed up in the bathroom was like a punch in the gut to Steven. He desperately wanted to change this.

"Haven't you tried finding new places to practice your gardening?" Steven asked. "I-I guess me and Amethyst should've been more available for you… that's a tough activity to do alone."

_That_ being brought up made Peridot visibly flinch. It seemed Steven inadvertently gave his friend a receipt for that emotional gut punch.

"Y-you know, it was fine at first," Peridot said; her voice was steadier now and didn't waver, but the way her body shivered against Steven's was indicative that she was forcing herself to stay calm as best she could. She was still very much an emotional wreck at this moment. "But I… I didn't feel as happy as I thought I would. I think i-it's because… because the activity itself reminds me of what I once had… that I have no longer. Th-there's… there's no way to prevent myself from thinking about it, Steven."

In turn, Steven winced and couldn't help but feel frustrated with himself. Of _course_ gardening would be a constant reminder of the farm, and subsequently life on the barn with Lapis. What Steven initially thought was a fantastic idea for Peridot to emotionally recover and become her plucky, productive self again turned out to be… highly counter-intuitive to such a goal.

"It looks like that was a bad call on my part, then," Steven acknowledged sorrowfully. He looked to Peridot with the most remorseful expression she'd ever seen from him before he nuzzled his forehead against hers. "I-I should've known better…"

Peridot was about to shush Steven for putting himself down once again, but then a brilliant idea hit the young teen before she could speak.

"–Of course! I should've been trying to get you back to trying out _new_ things like we used to!" Steven realized; his tone matched the energetic and optimistic soul Peridot identified him with. "And this is the perfect time to do it, Dot! You up for that?"

Despite herself, Peridot couldn't resist smiling along with Steven. She long determined Steven's happiness was the most diabolical contagious ailment in the universe.

"It sounds like you already have an idea in mind," she smugly noted. "This sudden confidence must have come from _somewhere_…"

"Well, yeah…" Steven bashfully admitted with a laugh. "But this won't be anything like what we've learned together before. You should definitely be part of Ruby and Sapphire's wedding, Peri!"

As expected, Peridot looked genuinely confused by this proposition.

"I… _believe_ I've heard that word tossed around a few times today," she admitted. "But whatever this "wedding" is, it's a completely foreign concept to me."

Steven grinned with glee. "All the more reason you should be part of this, so you can learn something new about Earth's culture! I bet Ruby and Sapphire would love to have you there on the happiest day of their lives."

To that notion, Peridot regarded her human companion with a degree of skepticism. "Steven, they're basically strangers to me," she reminded him. "There hasn't exactly been an opportunity for me to get to know either of them particularly well…"

It was unfortunate that she was the only gem who had to miss out on the joy of playing baseball with her friends when she first got a good look at the two gems who made up the Crystal Gems' leader. Of course, they were doing that for the sake of covering for her when Peridot was still being "hunted" … that had to count for something. Even if the loving pair inadvertently botched that entire operation…

"They know what Garnet knows," Steven assured her. "And this wedding's gonna be all about Garnet, too. You know she would want you there, right?"

Peridot hadn't considered that; the subject of fusion remained to be a concept she didn't understand nearly as well as she once believed.

"Well… certainly," she agreed. "Are you sure my ignorance of this concept won't be to this event's detriment? I'm uncertain how long it will take for me to achieve a mastery level of comprehension of weddings…"

"Aw, it'll be easy; you'll have it all down by tomorrow." Steven sounded very sure of himself… "And you can get to know Ruby and Sapphire better while we teach you, too! –Oh, and we get to _dress you up!_"

He just now realized this, and Steven's level of excitement instilled a degree of worry for Peridot… and what she was about to get into tomorrow.

"Dress me up…?" Peridot echoed; _highly_ hesitant to dare Steven to elaborate.

"Trust me; you'll love it," Steven promised the gem as he briefly poked Peridot's nose before his arm returned to keeping her held in their embrace. "You'll be the cutest gem in the ceremony! I can see it now: you'll walk down the aisle in a really fancy gown, and everyone in attendance is gonna see you and think "Aw, that's the most adorable gem we've ever seen!" and they're gonna love you for it!"

Steven knew he was embellishing the details a bit… but he had known Peridot long enough to know the quickest way to get to her heart was through her ego and endless hunger for praise.

"W-wow, would they really…?" Peridot was easily swayed, of course. "But… isn't this event for Ruby and Sapphire? It seems inappropriate that I would outshine them on this alleged "happiest day of their life", Steven."

Hearing that from Peridot made Steven smile with pride; so much that he was visibly moved by it. The Peridot he first met would have never put anyone else before herself… and while the Peridot of today was still ridiculously self-centered and self-serving, times like this proved to Steven that Homeworld's former cold, ruthless technician had truly become an entirely new and different gem since her capture on Earth. And she had changed for the better in every way possible. Her capacity for change of this degree was unprecedented; Steven found that was an aspect of Peridot that would always draw him to her. He was determined to make sure Peridot found her true identity; now Steven would help her guard that precious sentience with his life. And even now, with Peridot very much knowing who she truly was, she still continued to grow in ways Steven would not expect.

"Don't worry; that's not gonna happen," Steven assured her. "We all have our own unique roles in Ruby and Sapphire's wedding. It's sort of like a play, where we all have our own roles that come together and make a real story; it can't be done with just the main stars. That's kinda how a wedding works."

Peridot nodded. "So, I can stand out without overshadowing whom the event is really all about," she understood.

Suddenly, Steven was met with a tight, eager squeeze in their embrace.

"You're gonna help me be the cutest gem there, right?!" she asked excitedly; Steven could practically see the gleaming stars in her eyes. "Whatever role you assign me, I will go above and beyond all expectations, Steven! I'll make sure Ruby and Sapphire will be grateful to have me as part of their happiest day alive! I assure you, Garnet will be in awe when she gives me a performance evaluation!"

Steven cracked up at that; Peridot's enthusiasm and drive could certainly brighten up what was previously a very tense and unpleasant conversation.

"One step at a time, Peri," Steven instructed. "I've got some ideas in mind for what you could do, but in the end, Ruby and Sapphire have the final say in what your role is. So, first thing tomorrow morning, we're gonna consult with them, okay? Everyone's gonna be so happy to see you up and about again!" With that, he sighed contentedly. "Ah, I can hardly wait…"

Peridot felt much more at peace, barely registering her body actively snuggling against Steven's as both gazed up at the Moon once more.

Her smile faltered slightly as Peridot remembered Steven knew much more of her darker, destructive feelings and instincts tonight because she just couldn't keep her mouth shut. She realized Lapis wouldn't be part of this ceremony, although that detail didn't really hurt Peridot as much as she expected it to.

Steven was overjoyed to see even the reminder of Peridot's inner turmoil wasn't enough to completely kill her enthusiasm; it turned out the boy found exactly what Peridot needed to truly recover from a loss she suffered for far too long now.

"I don't even know what I'll be doing," Peridot admitted. "But somehow, I'm still excited about this…"

"You _do_ love to learn," Steven slyly pointed out before sobering down. "Peridot, I promise I'm gonna do a better job getting you involved with our stuff from now on," he swore. "I think this is what you needed all along."

"Mm… probably." Peridot wouldn't dispute it. A completely new experience was exactly what the little gem needed to start recovering and finally move forward. Although she knew there would be no way for her to just _forget_ Lapis – and really, she didn't want to, anyway – Peridot finally felt like she could live her life without reliving that horrible day over and over again in her mind.

But there were still some concerns.

"Steven, I really appreciate this; I think this is what will finally liberate me from the past weighing me down and impeding my progress," Peridot said. "But this doesn't eliminate the concerns I've now given you, does it? Because it shouldn't. I just confessed so many sinful sentiments I've kept to myself all this time…"

"And you needed to," Steven told her; his soothing tone easily calmed the technician's nerves. "Like I told you earlier, it isn't healthy to keep that all bottled up without ever letting it out. Eventually, you'd be holding so much of that in, you wouldn't be able to contain it anymore… and you might accidentally let it out at a really bad time. A blow-up like that can really hurt someone… so I'm glad you were able to get that out of your system."

"Thanks for being the buffer for that, then," Peridot thanked the boy, slightly uneased as she realized in hindsight she had just used Steven as her venting filter. "I'm… sorry I subjected you to so much negativity, Steven. It just… well, _came out_ without me realizing it until it was already–"

Peridot could no longer find the words to speak as she felt Steven's cheek press against hers. She realized how long they had been holding each other, and while that embarrassed her greatly… Peridot couldn't make herself let go of the boy.

"You can talk to me about anything, Peri," Steven quietly assured the gem. "I know even now there's times where you're not sure who to confide in when you've got a problem, or you think you did something wrong… and while I think you should give the rest of our friends a chance, because I know firsthand how great they are, you can always, _always_ talk to me about anything you want… just like the days when I was the only one you trusted enough to talk to."

Although Peridot found herself blushing profusely after that statement, being in Steven's secure hold with the sides of their faces resting against each other was very calming, oddly enough. She smiled wider remembering her first days as a glorified prisoner of war for the Crystal Gems. Steven really was the only one she trusted back then.

And while Peridot got to know the other Crystal Gems, among several other residents of Beach City, Steven was always the one she trusted with her life more so than anyone else. Even if it seemed unfair to him, it made sense Steven should be the one to help carry Peridot's burdens.

Peridot nodded in agreement; her cheek rubbing against his. "Of course, Steven. I know that. I just dislike subjecting you to my relatively minor issues in light of what's been happening recently with the rest of you. You've been through enough… and you deserve some fun, too."

"That's what the wedding's for," Steven told her with a grin. "Besides, helping you out kinda gets my mind off my own problems at least for a bit, so you actually are making it easier for me in a way. I just wanna make sure you don't prove Lapis right about her fears about you and the rest of us. I'm not defending her actions, but I'm not gonna kick her to the curb if she comes back, either."

"Then… I'll welcome her back with open arms," Peridot conceded. She wasn't entirely comfortable with greeting Lapis that way, but deep down, Peridot knew in her heart she could never bring herself to truly be confrontational with her old roommate. It wouldn't solve anything. "But… Steven… there's one more concern I have."

Steven's right hand found its way to Peridot's and laced his fingers between hers.

"Lay it on me, Dot. Just speak from the heart."

After a bit of grumbling from a hot teal blush burning her cheeks, Peridot finally spoke up.

"If Lapis comes back… and really means it when she says she wants to stay… I don't think we can go back to how it was before," Peridot informed him. "Not only is it… _highly_ improbable to do physically… even if we could put the barn back in place, perfectly intact, I…"

Steven had a strong idea of what Peridot implied, and it surprised him.

"You're saying you don't wanna go back to where the barn was, even if we could put it back together?" Steven quietly asked. "But you've been so miserable all this time 'cause you miss it… it's your _home_, isn't it?"

Peridot was slightly unnerved at how well Steven could read her, but it made logical sense to her… for all the time they spent together, they had become very close friends. Of course he would know her well enough by now to pick up on her implications before she finished speaking.

"Every time I think back on it now, it… it makes me extremely uncomfortable," she confessed with great hesitance. "Hindsight has tainted so many of my memories there… and the constant fear that I could lose the barn again at any time also sticks with me. It was my home, of course… but looking back on it, it… I don't know; it feels like the heart of the home was never the same after you and your friends stopped spending most of your time there. I had plenty of good times just with Lapis, sure, but…"

She shivered against Steven. With every word spoken, Peridot felt a void within her body grow.

"I missed _your _home far more than I expected," Peridot admitted. "I feel safe here… and secure. And sharing your residence is a strong reminder that I'm never truly alone… even if Lapis abandons me and makes off with everything I had to my name… when things go wrong, you're here for me. All of you are."

"That's what home is like," Steven agreed. "So, you're saying you wanna stay with us again, even if Lapis comes back?"

Peridot nodded; her hot cheek rubbed against Steven's while she felt all remaining traces of resistance in her body melt away. Now she was like putty in Steven's grip.

"Even if all I ever get is the bathroom," Peridot said with absolute certainty. "I didn't even consider at first that I might be imposing, just living with you all again without any notice ahead of time… I-I think because, beyond knowing you'd accept me anyway, I could quickly identify your residence as my true home."

She looked up to Steven with a dreamy look in her eyes. "Since I'm a Crystal Gem now, I should be available to you all whenever you embark on a mission, or if you're fighting to defend the Earth. I don't feel obligated to answer the call of duty, Steven," Peridot clarified to prevent Steven from interpreting her feelings that way. "I _want_ to answer the call. I want to help all of you in any way I can. I'm sure _someday_ my metal powers will be of use in combat situations."

While she was the one responsible for finally poofing Jasper, even the haughty Peridot knew a lot of her success came from a lucky shot because her former escort had given such a wide opening. There was also the element of surprise; Jasper never anticipated Peridot to have any kind of power she could call her own.

Peridot knew she couldn't count on a scenario like that to happen for any other opponent they came across. She still had a long way to go before she could truly be an asset to the Crystal Gems in combat.

Steven smiled warmly at the gem in his arms. Even now, Peridot could pleasantly surprise him, proving how much she had grown and blossomed since her early days as a lowly Homeworld technician.

"I promise you, one day you're gonna get a real room," Steven promised her. "We're gonna work our butts off to make sure it's perfect for you, too." He swelled with pride seeing Peridot's eyes shine even more brightly than before; her quivering smile grew even wider. "I'm gonna pitch that to the others once we know for sure we're not in danger from the Diamonds anymore, okay? I can tell this really is "home" to you now, Peri. So don't you ever think you don't belong with us, got that?"

"I promise," Peridot warmly assured him; her eyes closed as she found herself snuggling against Steven without any regard for how much blatant affection she was giving off at the moment. "Thank you, Steven… I-I'll be the best Crystal Gem I can be; I'll reconnect with all of the other gems and really get to know Ruby and Sapphire. I'll contribute to their wedding in any way I can. I'll make sure you all know how irreplaceable I am…"

"Peridot, you're already that," Steven laughed out. "Even if there's trillions of your kind out there and most of 'em look just like you… not a single one of 'em will ever fill your shoes. You're our great and lovable little Dot; our angry little slice of pie."

That prompted Peridot to whimper into Steven's chest; she could hardly tolerate her frequent bouts of embarrassment when Steven praised her like this. As much as she thrived on it, by now it felt like an overdose.

"You gonna be okay?" Steven asked her; clearly amused with how much he was flustering the little gem. "I didn't mean to get you all worked up, heh…"

"I-I'm absolutely fine!" Peridot quickly reassured him; her tone was back to its usual self-assured, insistent manner. "Just… _really_ fine, that's all. My body feels as if it's been liberated from an invisible force of dense gravity holding it down. Is that a normal sensation to feel after all this…?"

"Perfectly normal," Steven assured. "You really needed someone to talk to… I'm just sorry it took so long. I'm gonna make sure that doesn't happen again."

Peridot's grip on Steven tightened suddenly. "I-it's okay, Steven! You got to me eventually, so… so I am now fully reassured of my place here. What I mean to the Crystal Gems. And especially what I mean to–"

Once again, Peridot forcibly closed her mouth before any more words could come out.

"What you mean to…?" Of course Steven caught on.

"Nothing," Peridot dismissively replied. "I'm just babbling now… I underestimated how much stamina a single conversation could take out of a gem, of all beings…"

Part of her wanted to blame her identity as an all-around inferior Era 2 for a shortcoming like this, but she decided against it.

Steven squeezed her hand and smiled. "You had a lot to unload," he pointed out. "I'm not surprised it took a lot out of you. I can carry you back to bed if you want…"

At that point, Peridot tightened her grip around the boy as hard as she could… just for a few seconds before easing down.

"Stay with me," she quietly pleaded. "I… I like it here."

Steven was more than flattered to see Peridot cling to him like this, but the reality of their position was too apparent for him to ignore. "On the roof?" he asked with clear uncertainty. "And it's still just April, y'know… it's not gonna be a fun time sleeping outside like this."

At least the forecast didn't call for rain anytime soon… well, that was how Steven last saw it. Hopefully the meteorologists were on their A-game tonight.

"You can shield us from the outside elements…" Peridot mumbled; she was fading quickly. "I don't care if you take me somewhere else, b-but… don't you _dare_ let go. A-and, and, d-don't start asking why, okay? I'm tired."

"You sure about that…?" Steven smiled at the technician. It was painfully easy to tell whenever she was lying or trying to cover something up.

"–I am _certain_ I've gifted you more than enough humiliating confessions for one night!" she growled out with what little strength she still had. "If you really want more, try again tomorrow!"

That made Steven bust up laughing for a good minute or so… until he realized Peridot was no longer making any of her usual squeaks or whines of embarrassment.

She really had fallen asleep. But she was still very much glued tightly to Steven, who could barely move at all in this position.

Steven was sure he would regret following along with this… but he formed a bubble to guard himself and Peridot from the outside elements.

He figured, however much his back would suffer in the morning, it would be worth it just to finally give Peridot a chance to rest with her body cleansed of the negative aura that had been building up for months.

At last, Peridot experienced her first truly comfortable and relaxing period of sleep.

Steven joined her in slumber soon after. He didn't really care what his other friends would think of the situation when they would inevitably find the pair; this was a problem they should have attended to a long time ago. There were still so many issues to resolve beyond this… but Steven knew it would be okay.

After all, tomorrow was another day.


End file.
